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Most people never find true peace. Nor do they seek it in earnest. I suppose they are lucky enough to lead a more or less peaceful life and don’t have the need for such a pursuit. But I wonder whether they might not be as fortunate as they seem.
From a spiritual point of view, is it perhaps better to envy those who get a direct hit in the heart by Life and who have no other choice but to set off on this mysterious and (at least at the beginning) rather uncertain path?
I was literally thrown in the direction I wasn’t really familiar with. I had no other choice. When I finally grasped that (it took me quite a few years), I felt enormous gratitude for this blessing. I said to myself: I can’t go back no matter how much I want to. I can, however, discover that true and exciting side of Life and enjoy it as much as I can. I had to face all my feelings, even follies if you want. And there was no shortage of them. From time to time it still surprises me how much stuff might accumulate in a person. I had to dig around my being for quite a long time to get to my source, to my well of strength. First I had to make sure it was feasible. Then I experienced everything as well. I knew that if I succeed, I would get back all the strength that had always adorned me, enhanced with new wisdom and a different perception of this world. And that would be enough to start building new castles. But first I had to find that true inner peace. I didn’t know exactly what to lean on. My gut was the only thing I could go with. And it was off for the longest time.
I remember sitting among olive trees, still quite restless of course, and making a decision to stay there for as long as it took for me to feel better. Calmer and happier. I failed many times; nothing happened whatsoever. I waited for hours for something that I kind of believed existed but, oddly enough, the thing was nowhere to be seen. But I kept going; I always keep going for as long as I can.
Then a new day broke, a very special day when I did the exercise again in exactly the same way. But then again, I had already felt that my step was much lighter, that the wind was much lovelier that day, and that even the colors were much more vivid. Something was opening up inside me but I wasn’t aware of it yet. Now I know, however, that there were very apparent signs of some sort of awakening. When I sensed a bit more Life under my bare feet on the parched ground, something was already very different. Sitting for an hour or so, my body shivered all of a sudden in a pleasant way and I felt tremendous relief. I let Life unfold through me, because of me. You could call it oneness. Wonderful peace, ease, connection. I have a hard time putting these feelings in words but it was marvelous. Unfortunately, it didn’t last very long, no more than a few moments. But the goal was achieved. I received confirmation that there was something inside me and around me that was infinitely bigger than what I’d known. After a long time, I felt joy again.
I walked around barefooted a lot then; I still do whenever I get a chance. If you want to regain the sensations that have gotten lost God knows where, this is a really good way of reestablishing connection. If you want to get through the change successfully, you have to change the things you used to do. Dirty feet cannot be the reason not to try it. Such excuses are really meaningless.
Never copy anyone else; just stick to your gut. And follow it at any cost. You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain. It’s completely irrelevant what others have to say about it. Others don’t live your life and cannot really put themselves in your shoes. Not in the least.
Whether you can admit it to yourself or not, you’re the only one who can really deal with you.

One Comment

    • Justina

    • 9 months ago

    Hello. This post was extremely motivating, particularly because I was looking for thoughts on this issue last Thursday.

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